You Think You Can Vin This Vay? [Russia]

During the second world war Germany had been a conqueror and had gained great strength, so he had been on more equal footing with Russia at the time. Now instead of conquering he has many allies, and together they've had the strength to stop Russia for thirty years. But here he is alone, and alone he's weaker. Still, it's not simply Russia's presence that caused him to behave differently, but the simple fact that different situations require different tactics. Yes, he feels that presence, but he doesn't fear it - he had it himself once and knows more than anyone that it can be taken completely from you, leaving you with practically nothing. Why should he be overwhelmed by such a temporary thing?

Of course, it's easy for him to think like this, while his people remain free. It's difficult to be weak when your people are strong and vice versa. He has his own presence, and it's not a weak one - it only seems small by comparison to the superpowers. But he is merely one tier lower than them, and a force to be reckoned with for anyone else. Still, he saw no reason to be so defiant - all that would have done is lengthen the time it would take for Russia to discover that he wouldn't break. He was simply cooperating so that would be finished sooner. Sometimes it's pleasing to cause your enemy pain and frustration, but sometimes you just want it over with. Besides, he's sure that he caused Russia plenty of pain and frustration anyway.

Something that Natalya seems to be taking much too personally, really. Of course, he seems to be among the small minority of nations would wouldn't go mad with rage if someone he really cared about got hurt. Oh, he'd get angry to be sure, but it would be a controlled anger - to him anger simply feeds his motivation, and a motivated Germany is quite effective at getting revenge. But he feels so little of that now, as his focus is on the young woman before him. "Your loyalty is commendable, though I disagree on vho you give it to," he states before asking, "But you blame me for trying to defend myself against him?" That's the thing that he find curious about the way that she's directing her anger toward him. He's not at all surprised that she's angry at him - she has a lot of reasons - but why that one?

He continues to stand quite calmly, never mind the fact that she could easily be using this conversation as a way to trick him into a false sense of security so that she can take him by surprise with the first blow. The weakness that had caused him to sway earlier is the same reason why, though he was given enough length of chain to move his arms a bit, he's instead gathered the slack of it in his hands so that he can continue to use it to keep himself steady on his feet. And he seems to be perfectly content to do nothing but stand there for the time being, not even glancing around himself to be sure that there is not some other place that he'd rather be.

Instead he simply considers her words, a frown coming quickly to his face - though there's also just a little bit of humor in his eyes when she directly mentions the grenade. "I honestly don't remember very vell - he voke me up too soon vhen I vas recovering from the grenade and my mind vas not fully healed either. And I vas in a lot of pain at the time. And being stabbed in the brain after did not help. And I haven't thought of it since," he explains. The remark that he'd made that had bothered Russia so much had been just another of many to Germany - an idle attempt to push some buttons and not worth remembering.

Still, in spite of that disclaimer about the difficulty in retrieving the memory, the thoughtful frown on his face suggests that he's nevertheless attempting to do so. And after a long moment his frown abruptly fades and he says, "Ah, I believe that vas vhen I told him I vas not his friend, that he has no self-control, and suggested that Mongolia vas to blame for that." He shrugs and comments, "I had a dagger in my lung and vas trying to make him angry. It vorked." There's just the slightest of hints that he may be slightly ashamed of himself for that remark, but at the same time he's not the least bit apologetic. He's not at all sorry for upsetting Russia that much, merely considering the idea that the particular remark was possibly beneath him to make. Then again, it certainly did the trick.

"It vas not spite," Germany replies, still very calm, "It vas the best tactic available to me. Your brother is quite a bit stronger than I am - ve do not fight on equal terms. And vhen you are outmatched, the more risks you must take if you vant to have any hope of vinning. The grenade vas, as they say, 'Vorth a shot' - a gamble. It did not vork, but I do not think I should be condemned for a failure. I did have other options - I had a knife, but I thought it vas too likely that he vould see it coming and turn the knife against me. I knew that he could not avoid or stop the grenade."

His voice is quite patient as he explains, as he sincerely does wish for her to understand his side of that particular incident. Not that he thinks that it will somehow get him out of this situation - she has many more things to be angry about than just that, but he would rather her to be angry about things that he agrees she should be angry about. He and Russia may have a long-standing and very personal feud going on between them, but at least in that instance he had only acted based on what was tactical.

But he knows when he speaks of what he said to her brother, he knows that it will probably make her angry. Yet his goal here is not to make her angry, as it was with her brother - no, he simply recalls the incident because she wants to know. It isn't much of a surprise when she charges at him, but though a knife to the side has become practically a familiar sensation to him, it's been awhile since the bones in his fingers were so attacked. It's a very painful sensation, especially since there's so many of them and it's as if each and every one of them screams of their pain in his ear individually instead of all together. But, true to what he said, he makes no move to attempt to stop her in this - instead he takes a gasping breath at each new pain, burying his face into his other arm. Which is now his only support - he can hardly use his other hand in its present condition, so the fact that he's leaning against it for support becomes all the more obvious.

Only when she stops, he takes a deep, shuddering breath that's released as a deep moan. But in spite of the sound and the somewhat lopsided way he practically hangs from his other arm, he seems to be handling the pain very well. It's not that, but what she says afterward that causes his face to fall, transforming into an expression of deep, self-loathing depression. "You already knew how much of a bastard I am," he murmurs quietly. But he's not speaking of what he said to her brother - he's not really sorry at all about that.

How can he look at her without remembering what he did to her? Especially since she's looking so very unwell now - she should be healthy and strong! Maybe if she was he could hope that perhaps a time would come that he could ask for forgiveness, and that it would not be terrible for him to want such a thing, but now? No, she resembles too much that look she'd had when he was finally forced to leave her lands - she's still hurting and so much of it is his fault.

Though at times it can appear that Germany is one of the hardest, most impervious nations in existence, like so many of them he has his vulnerable spots. Quite a few of them, actually, and they're not difficult to find at times. The tricky part of that with him is that his are nearly all emotional, and whether or not something said to him actually gets to him greatly depends on who is saying it. Russia could say so many of the same things, and it just wouldn't sting.

"One moment your brother vas here, another he vas not," he states, his voice quiet and practically lifeless, "I have no cause for pride vith you, no desire to hurt you. Nein, I vould see you healthy und strong - this is remorse I feel. I have done to you something I can't apologize for or repay - something you never deserved. Did you think that I'd forgotten? Nein - I remember everyday. I can't forget."

He's remarkably still as he speaks, eyes turned toward the floor. That doesn't mean that he's not noticed how frustrated and confused she looks. In a way, it doesn't matter how she feels about it - if she told him she didn't want him to feel that way and that she never wanted it spoken of again, would that make it any easier for him to forget what he did? No. Not that how she feels about doesn't matter entirely - though if anything, from her initial reaction he suspects that she'll only make him feel worse. Then again, if she decided that she approved of his misery, that might actually make him feel better. The interplay of events and emotions here is far more complicated than it might appear.

Perhaps what Belarus fails to realize is that the taunting, proud Germany that he'd been when her brother was around... well, it would be a lie to say that it was merely a facade and not actually a part of him, but it's merely a part - a piece of a larger man. It's only who he is when he's speaking to an enemy that he doesn't want to see his weaknesses. There's also the side of him that comes out when he's in public but among friends - with them he doesn't have to be so protective of himself, but he's a very reserved type of a person so even with his friends there are limits to how much of himself he shows.

And then there's the other part of him, the more core part of him, and that's what she's seeing now since he sees no reason why she shouldn't see it here and now. Or at least, this is how that part of him is when he's in a particularly depressed mood. Which isn't an unusual mood for him to be in - the smallest of things can trigger it sometimes. A few who know him well enough know how to bring him back out of it quickly, however.

But Belarus is certainly not one of them. His remorse doesn't care how long ago it happened. And there's a difference between nearly ending the world by accident because you're in a childish flexing contest with another nation and attempting to conquer the world with your military. Yet in spite of all the miserable things he's feeling about himself right now, being called a coward hardly strikes a nerve - he's charged headlong and recklessly into danger enough times to prove categorically that he is no such thing, and it doesn't matter to him if that doesn't match how he seems to Belarus right now. Still, while he knows that her present condition isn't his fault, that doesn't mean that it doesn't sadden him greatly. Yet he's actually encouraged somewhat by the thought that she's having trouble being angry with him - that's promising, perhaps?

Still, he quickly sees that she's angry enough to raise her weapon against him. But he doesn't move, not even to brace himself, as she cuts into him. Her uncontrolled movements means that it fails to cut him very deeply and whether or not each hits him where it truly hurts is therefore quite random. He himself isn't paying too much attention to where each lands - no, for him it's mostly about the pain. Each one is greeted by a sharp intake of air - in fact, it's actually possible to tell how much pain has been added by just how big the accompanying gasp is. But he doesn't really cry out, when she's done he lets out a shuddering sigh. His body shudders once, but for a moment his only movement is to breathe - his breaths are noticeably faster than they were mere moments ago, a sign that he's feeling a lot of pain now.

Yet after only giving himself a short time to adjust to the pain, he lifts his eyes to look at Natalya - there's a lot of sadness in them. "I didn't merely conquer you, Natalya - I tried to kill your people. All of them. Purposefully - I didn't vant to rule you, I vanted your land for my people and only my people - it vas genocide. And I vould have done it if I hadn't been stopped. Do not tell me that I should 'get over' this, or that a hundred years is enough - I don't believe you think so. I had no right. And I knev it - I knev it vas vrong. But I did nothing to stop it. Vhat do I have to be proud of?" he says, beginning to talk less to her and more to himself at the end, his voice becoming even more quiet.